It's no secret that the crab fisherman on Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" have balls. Big, cold, shriveled crab catching balls. These guys routinely work for 20-30 continuous hours in freezing Bering Straits cold, hoisting perilous loads of crab from 800 lb pots, all while fighting rollicking waves and freezing salt spray tries to knock them on their asses. And you filed for worker's comp when the fax machine gave you a paper cut. Pussy.
But on Tuesday's episode of "Deadliest," the big balls award was stolen away by the U.S. Coastguards, responding to a mayday amidst typhoon grade winds and an damn angry ocean. The Katmai, a cod fishing boat, was sinking 900+ miles of the coast of Alaska and 14 sailor's were about to have a date with 40 degree waters.
Without hesitation the boys in orange lit the fires on two Jayhawk choppers and took the 10 hour journey through the shit weather to what, at first glance, looked like nothing but open water. Soon enough Jayhawk Captain Zack Kohler and his crew noticed some gumby suits in the ocean, frikkin' miraculously. Rescue swimmer Dave Coats zipped up his dive suit, took a long hard tug on his hang down and lowered into 10' chopping waters. God these guys fucking rock.
All said, the Coast Guard boys ended up saving four of the fisherman's lives. And speaking of balls, the survivor's themselves managed to stay alive 17 hours in a flimsy ass life raft in 40 degree water. Nice work fellas.
Yes, we recognize the fact that crab fisherman are ballsy- but the get paid real well to be so. At their government pittance, the Coast Guard routinely put their lives on the line for shit pay. And for that, they are now the newest residents of BALLS ISLAND.
May your balls hang low.
No comments:
Post a Comment