Monday, April 27, 2009

Quadruple Amputee, Maynard, is BALLS ISLAND Inagural Resident



Very rarely do things happen in such cosmically perfect harmony as this has. In setting up Balls Island, we strive to search the globe for those people who show a testitudinal fortitude so noteworthy, that tribute must be paid to their unwavering ballsiness.

Currently, the moon and Uranus and all the stars must be utterly and completely aligned, because as we begin this journey called Ballsisland.com, quadruple amputee Kyle Maynard was just completing his first Mixed Martial Arts fight in Auburn, Al. That's right. A no armed and no legged MMA fighter. Nope, no joke here.

I'm guessing Maynard felt life with no arms and legs was not enough of a challenge; that fighting in no-holds-barred MMA action was the right thing to do. If this doesn't clearly, succinctly and unequivocally spell out BALLS, than my new friends, I don't know what does.

We must not overlook the fact that Maynard barely qualified for the fight. As John Morgan from MMAJUNKIE.com explained it,
"Although not part of the original plan, Maynard did not wear gloves to the cage. Commentators blamed humidity as a potential culprit, citing a difficulty in securing the gloves to Maynard's appendages. As such, Maynard was ruled unable to throw strikes with his genetically shortened arms. "

But that didn't stop Maynard, who charged at his confused, and possibly scared shitless opponent, Bryan Fry, who dodged Maynard like a poisonous spider monkey.

But despite the ubiquitous hype surrounding the fight (TV news coverage, Pay-per-view, etc...) Maynard came up, err, short. As MMAJunkie.com explained it, Maynard’s face “showed obvious frustration at the end of the opening round, and Fry refused to back down from the strategy. Maynard…simply could not close the distance on his opponent and work the fight to the mat. Maynard's inability to strike had little impact on the outcome, and the debuting fighter dropped a unanimous decision.”

Nonetheless, because of his tenacity, his drive, and his downright ballsiness, Maynard is the charter resident of BALLS ISLAND. And with no legs, we know how your balls hang, friend.

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